a sample of puns

and wordplay by

Tim Simpson

Q: What do you call a ghost that can't stay on task at work?
A: Eeriesponsible (Irresponsible)

Q: Why was the resteraunt worker cleaning the kitchen floor with a shrimp foot?
A: Beacuse the boss told him to get the job done prawntoe (pronto)

Q Did you hear about the disoriented sharp shooter?
A: He just wandered around aimlessly.

Q: Did you hear about the rainbow that hurt someone?
A: It was sent to prism (prison)

Q: What does a mummy embalmer like to put on his bread and butter?
A: Preserves

Q: What wrecks your lawn and then takes pictures of it?
A: A photogopher.

Q: What did the flower say when it got tired of bees landing on it?
A" "This is just a pollen." (appalling)

Q: What do you call an overpriced tombstone?
A: A RIP off.

Q: When do skydiving lessons usually happen?
A: In the fall.

Q: What happens to people who break the rules at the executioners health club?
A: They are immediately dismembered.

Q: What did the river with a bad attitude ask the boaters?
A: Water you looking at?

Q: What makes a cat smell nice?
A: Purrfume.

Q: How do cowboys get their information?
A: From tex books (text books)

Q: Why did the 18 year old girl give her parents a locket with her picture inside it?
A: To show her parent she was in de pendant.

Q: What did the jeweler do for excersize?
A: Gemnastics (Gymnastics)

Q: What is a termite's favorite coffee?
A: House blend.

Q: What is a termite's favorite magazine?
A: Architectual Digest.

Q: How did the blacksmith break the law?
A: He forged some documents.

Q: What did the innocent earthquake say to its accuser?
A: That it was the San Andreas fault.